Lost Heart
by animefreaksrus
Summary: He stole her heart, then lost it. Now he found a new one. DirkxRoxy, ongoing.
1. Chapter 1

"And then it just happened. I don't know how or why it did, but I couldn't be any happier! Isn't that great?" Jake said happily.

Roxy feigned a small smile. Her heart thudded sadly against her chest, as she gazed upon Jake and Dirk, who were holding hands and sitting next to each other in the booth. Jake was beaming like a child on Christmas morning, and even Dirk held a smirk. Roxy couldn't see behind his shades, but she could tell that Dirk was happier than he'd ever been in a long time.

It killed her. It ripped open her heart, and smashed it into tiny pieces.

Jane answered for Roxy, and gripped the drunk's hand tightly. "Oh, I'm so happy for you two!" she said in false enthusiasm. "I know you will be very happy together!" She glanced at Roxy out of the corner of her eye. Roxy looked at Jane, then back at the table, where an untouched plate of fries sat. Jane knew what Roxy was going through. She knew that feeling of getting your heart torn into a million pieces and trampled on by hooves. She was having that same feeling them.

"What do you think, Rox?" Dirk asked, looking at her.

Roxy didn't look up at first. She didn't speak. She _couldn't_. Jane bit her lip, and nervously glanced over at Roxy. She nudged her in the side, and Roxy jumped. "I-I'm speechless," she said, smiling. She looked at the two boys' intertwined hands. "You both seem very happy… And… and I couldn't be any happier for you two." She looked back down, and tried to force a tear back. She was unsuccessful. Roxy abruptly stood up. "Excuse me. I… I have to leave." She turned around.

Jake frowned. "Why?"

Without looking at him, Roxy said, "Frigglish. He… he needs food. I haven't fed him all day." She chuckled dryly, and ran out, not looking back. Roxy sighed, and internally face-palmed herself when she realized that Jane was her ride back.

But Jane was already one step ahead of her. The baker came bounding out of the restaurant, and walked up to Roxy.

"What was your excuse?" Roxy mumbled, shuffling to Jane's car.

"I didn't want to feel like the third wheel. I also have to drive you home. You were too drunk to drive here on your own, but I'm not so sure about that now."

Roxy chuckled dryly. "Why would I be drunk? I haven't touched my liquor in over three hours. I wasn't drunk when I came here, either."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "You weren't?"

"No. Pft, I kind of figured that it happened when both Jake and Strider messaged me that they had to talk to the both of us. I mean, what else could it have been?"

"The apocalypse?" Jane offered, unlocking her car door. "An evil queen destroying the world? Evil clowns?"

Roxy smirked. "Yeah, yeah. I know." She got into Jane's car and shut the door. She buckled herself in and sighed. "How are you not sobbing right now?" she murmured, wiping another falling tear away.

Jane smiled sadly. "I'm used to it by now. I figured that Jake and I will be friends and only friends. Nothing more, nothing less. I guess seeing it as anything different would be weird."

"But Janey, you love—"

"Let's get you home," Jane breathed, starting the car. "Frigglish can't go hungry."

Roxy looked out the window, and sighed.

The trip to Roxy's place was silent, the only sound being the air conditioning. It was uncomfortable, yet needed in every way possible. Both girls had had their hearts broken. They needed time to think while they rode.

When Jane pulled up to Roxy's house, she turned toward the girl, who was sitting with her hands in her lap and her head down. Mascara lines ran down her face. Her eyes were closed, and she made no movement to get out, or any notice that she could leave.

"Lalonde," Jane muttered. "We're here."

Roxy looked up, and stared up at her house. She nodded, but didn't move. She sat there, staring at her house for a few minutes. "It hurts, Janey," she whispered. "It hurts a lot."

Jane smiled sadly. "I know, I know."

Without another word, Roxy stepped out of the car, and began walking toward her front steps. Before she went inside, she looked back at Jane, who had her hands covering her face. She was shaking terribly. Roxy smiled slightly, and walked inside.

At the sound of the door opening and closing, Frigglish came bounding toward Roxy, who merely stood in the foyer, unmoving. Frigglish looked up at his owner worriedly, and rubbed against her ankles.

Roxy's lip trembled, and wiped away a few more tears. She took a deep breath. "You need food," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Let's get you food."

Once she had Frigg's food bowl full, Roxy trudged upstairs slowly, like a zombie. She opened the door to her room, and sat down at her computer desk. She merely sat there for a few minutes, until she craved relief. So, the sad teen stumbled to her liquor cooler, and brought out a bottle of wine. She took the cork off, and gulped some down, spilling a bit on her shirt. But she didn't mind. All that she cared about was taking away the pain.

And that's what she was doing.

Still gripping onto the bottle, Roxy trudged back to the computer, where three messages from two different people popped up.

**golgothasTerror began pestering tipsyGnostalgic**

**GT: Roxy?**

**GT: Hello, are you there?**

**timaeusTestified began pestering ****tipsyGnostalgic**

**TT: What's wrong, Rox?**

She exited both the messages, and closed her laptop. She didn't want to talk to either of them. She didn't want to cry anymore, which she knew wasn't possible.

Roxy stood up, wavering a bit, and took another gulp of her wine. Then she took another, and another, and another, and another. She finally took her last drink, and slammed the empty bottle on her desk, cracking the glass a bit. She wobbled over to her bed, and flopped down, tear spilling from her eyes.

'_Why does love hurt?'_

'_Why can't it be fair?'_

'_Why does he love him?'_

'_Why can't he love me?'_

She cried herself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Roxy awoke to the sound of her phone ringing. She opened her eyes slowly, and scowled as the light from the sun hit her face. She sat up groggily, and reached down for her phone, which had been discarded on the floor from last night's events. She groaned when she couldn't find it. She stood up, and rubbed her eyes. When she found her phone next to her stuffed cat plush, Sir Frigglepaws (Paws for short), that Dirk had made her for her birthday when they first met each other. She held Paws as she answered the phone, not looking at caller ID. "Mph hullo?" she muttered sleepily.

"Rox."

Roxy's breath hitched. "Strider," she grumbled. She went over to her laptop, and set Paws on the desk. She opened her laptop and checked the time. She groaned. "God, Strider, it's seven in the morning. What do you fucking need?" Her head throbbed from drinking a whole bottle of wine the previous night.

"You didn't answer my messages," he stated, "from last night."

Roxy sighed. "So?" she mumbled, tightening the pink bow around Paws' neck with one hand. "I was tired. I had ta' feed Frigg, then I went to bed. What's wrong with that?"

"Because you went online, and then went idle."

Roxy mumbled a curse. _'Dammit.' _She sighed. "Look, Strider, I have a lotta shit to do, alright? I can't talk to ya all day." _'You probably have plans with Jake, anyweh.'_

"Well fine. I have plans with English at eight, so I better leave."

Roxy sadly smiled. _'I knew it.' _"Bye Strider."

"Rox—"

She hung up.

Roxy held the phone in her hands, and shuddered out a breath. She closed her eyes, and bit her lip. "God _dammit_," she whispered. Her grip tightened on the phone, and she slammed it on the desk.

Upon hearing his owner being awake, Frigglish bounded into the room happily, and purred happily, jumping onto the computer chair, then onto the desk. He hissed when he saw Paws sitting next to the cracked wine bottle. Frigg was never really fond of Paws. He probably saw the toy as a threat or challenge for Roxy's love.

Roxy sighed and petted Frigglish, who in turn, mewed happily. She picked up Paws and discarded him on the bed, where he lay abandoned. She walked out of her room, and headed downstairs.

Frigglish followed Roxy, but not before sending Paws a triumphant glance, as if saying, "Haha, I win!"

Roxy slumped into the kitchen, and filled up Frigglish's food bowl. Frigglish began to eat his food excitedly.

Roxy rubbed her eyes, and went back up to her room. She sat down at her computer desk, and logged onto Pesterchum, where she had a new message from Jane.

**gutsyGumshoe began pestering tipsyGnostalgic**

**GG: Lalonde, can I talk to you?**

**GG: I could really use a good talk.**

**GG: You know what I'm going through and I would just appreciate it if I could meet up with you somewhere. **

**GG: Reply once you get these messages, please. :B**

Roxy saw that Jane was still on and quickly typed up a reply, not even bothering about correcting grammar and spelling mistakes.

**TG: pft okaey**

**TG: we can met up **

**GG: Good lord, please tell me you aren't drunk.**

**GG: Lalonde, it is 7 in the morning. **

**GG: How can you get drunk this fast?**

**TG: lmoa no**

**TG: im jus not worrying about slelping mistakes. Im not durnk**

**TG: *spelling**

**TG: but I do haeva handover**

**GG: Handover?**

**TG: *hangover lol **

**GG: How much did you drink last night?**

Roxy sighed, and looked down at her feet. She knew that if Jane figured out how much she had drunk, then Jane would probably yell at her. Well, most likely chastise. Jane didn't like her unhealthy drink addiction.

**GG: Lalonde, how much did you drink?**

**TG: just a bit**

**GG: Tell the truth.**

**TG: a full bottle of wine**

**GG: Roxy!**

**TG: im srory! **

**GG: That's not good for you, Lalonde!**

**TG: i know… can we just not talk bout it**

**GG: Fine. Where do you want to meet up?**

**TG: I want pancakes :3**

**GG: IHOP?**

**TG: give me an hour**

**GG: See you then.**

**gutsyGumshoe ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic**

Within an hour, Roxy was showered, dressed, and sober enough to have a serious discussion with Jane. She had her phone in the back pocket of her jean shorts, and wore the friendship bracelet that Jane gave her for Christmas last year. It was blue, and had the words 'BFFsies 4Evers' embroidered on it.

Roxy waited outside for Jane to pick her up. She could just easily drive her car there, but at that moment, she didn't feel like driving. So she had asked Jane to pick her up, and Jane happily obliged.

When Jane's car pulled up, Roxy stood up, and ran toward the car. She got into the passenger seat, and buckled in. Then Jane continued to drive.

It was silent the first few minutes, until Roxy broke the ice. "So what do you need to talk about?" she asked, picking at a loose thread of her pink t-shirt.

Jane sighed. "Last night," she replied.

Roxy stiffened.

"Let's wait till we get to the restaurant," Jane mumbled.

Roxy nodded, and did not speak the rest of the trip there.

When they were both seated and had ordered, Jane sat back in the booth. "It hit me hard," she mumbled, looking at her glass of water. "I mean, Jake has had many girlfriends, but this one just hit me harder than most have."

Roxy looked down at the table. "It hurts more and more each time," she mumbled. "Because I know that he could never come to love me."

Jane frowned. "He could—"

"He's fuckin' _gay_, Janey," she hissed lowly.

Jane winced and sighed. "But you never know…"

"Neither can you."

Jane put her head in her hands. "Jake's different. He's clueless. At least Dirk _knows _you love him."

"No he doesn't."

Jane looked up. "What?"

"He doesn't know I love him."

"B-But I thought—"

Roxy sighed, and set her forehead on the table. "He knows I have a crush on him. Or _had _from what he thinks. Instead of telling him the truth, I said that I don't have a crush on him anymore. Which is basically true. Because it's more than that. He doesn't know I love him. And he will never."

Jane gaped at her. "Oh, Roxy. I'm so sorry."

She shrugged. "Let's go back to Jake."

"But—"

"I don't want to talk about it, Janey. Please."

Jane sighed.

"Just tell me what's wrong."

"It's Jake," she sighed. "He's so clueless. I try to get him to realize my feelings to him. And… And I even _hint _to him, but he doesn't even _realize _it. He's so oblivious to the signs! It just frustrates me to no end and…" She wiped away a tear. "I was planning on telling him soon, but now that he's with Dirk… I just can't. I can't hurt him _or Dirk _like that."

Roxy's heart softened for her friend. She scooted out of her side of the booth, and sat next to Jane, putting her arm around her. "Shh… It's okay, Janey."

"But it's just not fair!" Jane mumbled.

"Love isn't fair. I know."

"It sucks. Love does."

"I know, Janey. I know."


	3. Chapter 3

After the two girls had finished venting out their feelings and eating in awkward silence, they walked out of IHOP. It had gotten brighter and hotter than when they first went into the restaurant. They had ended up spending four hours in the restaurant, just talking. Roxy shuffled next to Jane while they walked back to the car.

"Hey Janey?" she murmured, as they got into the car.

"Yes, Lalonde?" the other replied.

"Can we just… hang out the rest of the day? I really don't feel like going home." She slumped into the seat. "I mean… we don't have to if you don't wanna, but I mean… I just… yeah…"

Jane smiled. She started the car, but didn't back out of the lot. "That sounds nice. We really haven't had a Roxy and Jane day in a while. We can do that. Where do you want to go first?"

Roxy sighed. "I want ice cream."

Jane gaped at her. "Lalonde, you just ate four chocolate chip pancakes, topped with maple syrup and whipped cream. Do you seriously expect me to buy ice cream when you had sugar topped with sugar? Besides, aren't you full?"

Roxy just stared at her. "I want to eat away my sorrows," she mumbled. "I want vanilla ice cream in a waffle cone."

Jane frowned. "Roxy…"

"Please? Please Janey?"

The baker sighed and backed out. "Let's go to the ice cream parlor, then," she mumbled.

Roxy faintly smiled, and looked out the car window, her forehead pressed against the glass. She watched the different buildings and trees pass by. At a stop light, she saw a pack of hipsters walk into Starbucks. She sighed and looked down at her lap. Out of the corner of her eye, Roxy could see Jane's eyes shifting over to her. A look of sadness and pity was in her eyes.

Roxy didn't want her pity.

Actually, she wanted it. She needed it. She craved it.

Jane parked in front of the ice cream parlor, which was bustling with small children and parents who were trying to calm the booger nosed brats down. Roxy bounded out of the car, and skipped toward the building, her mood having an abrupt turn. The way she giggled and bounced on the balls of her feet made her seem more… childish.

Roxy quickly opened the door when Jane caught up to her. The usually-drunken teen was hit with the scent of sugar and milk. It was, of course, cold inside, but it was refreshing from the summer heat. The inside looked like a burger joint from the fifties, just without the burgers. There were spinning stools in front of the counter, where there were over 50 choices of ice cream. Along the walls, were booths, which were red and white. The floor was checkered tiled, and an unused jukebox was in the corner. The entire place had a fifties façade.

Just as she had claimed, Roxy ordered vanilla ice cream in a waffle cone. She and Jane sat in a booth next to the jukebox. Jane watched Roxy devour her ice cream with an amused expression. Roxy was acting like such a child, that it was _amusing_. Adorable, even.

When they left the parlor, Jane sighed. "So where do you want to go next?" she asked, checking her phone.

Roxy hummed. "I dunno." Then she grinned. "The liquor store?"

Jane glared at her. "Roxy, no. I'm not going to have you illegally buy alcohol. If you get caught, I'll be taken in too. So no."

Roxy pouted. "Hmph. Fine." She opened the passenger car door, and slid in. "Then how about we just… um…" She was interrupted when Jane's phone started ringing.

"Oh! Hold on, Lalonde," she said, answering the phone. "Hello?"

There was a murmuring sound from the other end, and from the way that Jane's eyes lit up, and the way she blushed, Roxy guessed it was Jake. "Oh, um yeah!" Jane replied. "W-well I'm kind of with Lalonde right now … O-oh. Okay! Great!" Her face lit up. "Yeah! See you!" She shut the phone, and then looked at Roxy. Then she gasped and gave a sorrowed look. "Shit."

Roxy raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

Jane face palmed herself. "I… shit. I forgot that I promised you the whole day. I-I kind of forgot that I made plans with Jake today…"

Roxy frowned, and her shoulders slumped. "Oh… okay… I guess I can just go home, then."

"I'll drive you home then…" she said.

"No."

Jane gave her a confused expression. "Huh?"

Roxy smiled. "Drop me off at the liquor store. I need more."

"Lalonde…"

"I'll walk home. Just, fuck… please, Jane?" She gave Jane a puppy-eyed look, and jutted out her bottom lip. "For me?"

Jane sighed. She shook her head, and turned on the car. "Just this once," she grumbled, backing out. "But never again." She yelped when Roxy hugged her. "I'm _driving_, Roxy!"

Roxy giggled. "Sorry."

When she had the booze, she got into the car. Jane was kind enough to not make her walk home. "Thank you, Janey."

Jane sighed. "I just wish you wouldn't drink," she murmured. "I just wish you would stop."

Roxy looked down at the brown paper bag in her lap, and sighed. "I can't. I will never be able to stop. Does that make me pathetic? That I drink all the time, especially when I'm sad? Does that make me stupid and selfish by throwing my life away? Does it make me a terrible person?"

Jane smiled sadly and shook her head. "It makes you a person."

The rest of the ride was silent.

When Roxy was inside her house, she stood in the foyer for a minute, before sliding down, and crying. Tears flowed from her eyes, and she ripped open the brown bag, taking the Vodka from its comfort. She used her teeth to open the top, and spit it out of her mouth. Without thinking, she chugged down a majority of the liquor. The tears escalated, and she was blubbering sobs while drinking.

When Roxy finally realized what she was doing, she spit out the liquor in her mouth, and coughed. She had finished half of the bottle, and she felt loose and funny, the way she usually is.

Her lip trembled, and she coughed, going into another sobbing fit. "Pathetic!" she cried. "I'm so fuckin' pafetic!" She kicked away the bottle, making the contents spill on the floor.

She sat there for a minute, before standing up, and wobbling upstairs to her room. She slid into her computer chair with some difficulty and logged onto Pesterchum. She had a fuck ton of messages from none other than Dirk Strider himself.

**timaeusTestified began pestering tipsyGnostalgic**

**TT: Rox**

**TT: Come on, Rox, answer me. **

**TT: Fuck, what's wrong?**

**TT: And don't tell me nothing, because I know that something is wrong. **

**TT: Look, I feel like it's my fault. **

**TT: And if it is, then I'm sorry for whatever I did. **

**TT: Please answer when you get this.**

She could have just easily closed her laptop, but Dirk was still on. Roxy bit her lip, and sighed. She slowly typed a reply.

**TG: nohtning is rong, dirk**

**TG: srsyl im fine**

**TT: Bullshit.**

**TG: ouch**

**TG: srlsly im jus going throuhg hormone shit**

**TT: I don't believe that for one second, Rox. **

**TG: yuo shud**

**TG: bc everthin is fien**

**TG: *everything**

**TG: i dunno why u thin sumthin is rong**

**TT: Oh, let's see…you abruptly left the restaurant when I told you that me and Jake were dating. **

**TG: i hadta feed frig**

**TT: Yeah, that's a lie. Oh, not to mention, you also hung up on me this morning, like a douche bag.**

Roxy winced. Okay, so maybe Dirk was catching on.

**TG: look its not u**

'_But it _is _you…'_

**TG: its just im gion thru stuff**

'_Going through heartbreak…'_

**TG: you dint do anyting**

'_You broke my heart…'_

**TT: … Do you still like me?**

Roxy's eyes widened, and her heart starting beating faster. She clumsily typed a reply.

**TG: WHAT**

**TG: lmoa**

**TG: no**

**TG: n**

**TG: no**

**TG: not ta al**

**TG: lolololol**

**TG: y would u tinhk that lmfao**

**TG: were just frends**

**TG: srsly wht made you think tht**

**TT: … I guess… **

**TT: I don't know. I was just… assumed.**

**TG: well you asumned rong lmap **

**TG: *lmoa**

**TG: were just gret firedns**

**TG: buddies**

**TG: pails**

**TG: *pals**

**TG: amgos**

**TG: oh look**

**TG: i need to fede frig**

**TG: lolwell see you laterz stridr**

**TG: byeeeee**

**tipsyGnostalgic ceased pestering timaeusTestified**

**TT: What.**

**TT: Rox?**

Roxy quickly shut her laptop, and shakily got up. She didn't waste a second to stumble over to her bed, crawl in, and cuddle with Paws. She couldn't contain the tears, and began crying, hugging with the stuffed animal.

'_Why me? Why? Why did I have to fall for him?'_

'_Why do I have to be in love?'_


End file.
